May 02, 2012

Generally, I grew up in a happy home but not perfect. One of my least favorite part of my childhood was being compared to my siblings or my cousins. My older sister’s whiter and prettier than me. My younger sister’s more intelligent than me. My cousin’s more attractive than me... And many more. I grew up thinking that I was second rate, useless and good for nothing.

As I reach my teenage years, the people around me at home and even in school made me feel like I’m the ugliest person in the whole world. My frizzy hair, my pimples (which they call constellation), and my weight were my biggest enemies.

I was thinking... if only.

If only I was whiter. (In Asia, women want to be whiter.)
If only I was prettier.
If only I was thinner.

If only... then I would be accepted.

I made every effort to lose weight. I’ve struggled with it so much that I almost had eating disorder. It was definitely not healthy anymore physically and mentally. 

Then little by little, God changed me. He didn’t really change my appearance just yet. He changed me inside. He made me realize two things.

1.) God is not interested in my appearance. He is interested in my heart.

For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart. -1 Samuel 16:11-

Who cares if I am fat? He wants me to be the woman that I should be. He wants my heart and not what make-up I’m wearing.

2.) He also made me realize that HE LOVES ME.

We love because he first loved us. -1 John 4:19-

Who cares if no one loves me? The Creator and Owner of the entire universe loves me dearly and that’s enough for me!

God revealed to me that at the end of it all, my relationship with Him is more important than my appearance! I can’t be any happier.

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