July 30, 2012

"My dad always used to tell me that sometimes you have to have a massive storm in order to clear the sky. Whenever it rains like crazy one day, the next day will be filled with sunshine, a clear blue sky, and everything will be pristine." - Apolo Ohno

My massive storm came after graduating from college, moving down south, and giving birth to my last precious angel. All of these major life events happened within four months of each other which did not leave me much time to process them individually. Instead, I have had to process them simultaneously which has created a major down pour. In between the joys of raising my family, of exploring a new state, and of reveling in a major goal achieved, I have dealt with feelings of insecurity, hopelessness, fear and a sense of not being personally fulfilled.

I have dealt with rejection in the form of silence while trying to get my foot in the door to a new career, I have dealt with a sense of segregation between ranks while living on base, I have dealt with a case of postpartum depression, not serious enough to not allow me to bond with the Wee One but enough to make me a little weepy, and I have self analyzed, trying to reach a decision about what my next goal and direction in life will be.

I recently prayed for help and a sign to point me in the right direction; I am not one who is outright religious, so do not think that I am telling you to be, but it did help me. I began to watch the Olympic games and noticed a pattern in the stories of each contestant. With tenacity, focus and dedication to their goal, they became the best at what they did, even when they did not win every race.

The Olympians did not allow the sense of failure to pull them down, instead they allowed it to build them up; they used it to work harder. They may not have watched the latest TV show, or read the latest book, but for them, that was okay because they were competing in the Olympics.

It reminded me that to be the best, or to be a success, you must remain focused on what you want to achieve. It reminded me that my tenacity, my zest for life, and my dedication to becoming successful in my eyes are the qualities that have lead me to my success so far. These qualities have allowed me to get through the struggles of a teen pregnancy, of marrying young, of having another baby within the first year of marriage, of having two boys only two years apart, of my mother's cancer, of moving 3000 miles away from home with two small boys, when I was only 22, of my husband's cancer scare and going with him to many appointments at Roswell Cancer Institute, of military separations and the subsequent single parenting, and of awful, scary, bed ridden pregnancies.

My tenacity, my zest for life, and my dedication to my goals allowed me to become a great mom, a good wife and a college graduate. They allowed me to develop a supportive network of friends 3000 miles away from home and to make the best of the worst situations. These qualities are going to be what guide me into my next goal; beginning a successful career.

It is time for me to accept my fears for what they are and to learn the true meaning of courage…

"…being scared to death but saddling up anyway." - John Wayne

I guess mom was right about that.

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