April 18, 2012

Like many other women out there....I woke up one day and my little girl was gone. Who is this beautiful girl before me, rolling her eyes, giving me dirty looks and telling me if I keep asking questions about her friends she won't want to tell me???? What is that about? When did I go from mommy of 3 young kids to well...a teenagery kinda sorta mood swinging young adult?  For starters I feel like I have aged. Huh..I call my mom crying asking her how she put up with me? Was I like this? I feel so hurt and betrayed by adolesence. My mom puts it quite simply.."This is not about you, stop making it about you". "Your daughter is growing up , don't make her feel bad about it" Am I ? And it's not about me? But it feels like it. I actually swoon over my little six year old who still thinks I'm the love of his life and my 9 year old who still wants me to lay with her at night.

I know I don't want to lose her because I can't cope with puberty. Sounds silly I know. But we went weeks with this rift between us. How do I be a loving mother to this tween (for lack of a better word) that seems to not want me around? As mothers we are pushed into this world of being needed. What happens when they want to fly a bit on their own? How do we let go?

One morning we were all getting ready for the day and my husband put music on. A song came on that stopped me from my morning routine.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1-4u9W-bns

Jason Mraz "I won't give up"....I sat and listened and yes got very teary eyed (ok I bawled into my towel)

"when you are needing your space to do some navigating I'll be hear patienty waiting to see what you find"

Those words resinated with me. It was in that moment that I realized I need to get to know her again, allow her the space while being there with open arms and guidance. She does need me, probably more than ever now.

So, I went over to her while she was getting dressed and gave her a big, warm , mushy hug. She cringed and was like " what's wrong?" I told her "I love you" and she laughed and said " I love you mom" .

I guess we are both changing and growing. Doing this beautiful dance of mother and daughter.

 

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